A couple of years ago, a woman approached me. She’d been into tango for quite some time, invested a lot in classes, events, and tango travel. She frequented milongas, and her experiences were a mixed bag – sometimes great, other times downright frustrating.
“I can’t figure out why nobody asks me to dance some nights, while other nights are OK. Do you have any insights? Don’t worry, you can be straight with me. I’m just tired of this,” she confided.
I responded to her question, but honestly, it was more of an educated guess. Over the next few years, I mulled over that answer, and it left me with a lingering feeling that something crucial was missing. The same issue cropped up repeatedly in my conversations with others.
It wasn’t long before I realized that, like me, most people were operating on assumptions—assumptions that seemed entirely logical and self-evident:
“Men just want to dance with the young and beautiful.”
“He’s not dancing with me because I’m a beginner.”
“Those folks over there? They think they’re the tango superstars; they’re just here to show off.”
However, my mind tends to work a little differently. I have a penchant for challenging my own assumptions, for putting them to the test to see if they hold water.
So, I made a decision to approach this topic with fresh eyes, like a beginner. I embarked on a mission to ask over 16,000 social tango dancers why they choose to dance with some people, why they avoid dancing with others, and what steps they take to dance more.
The results surprised me, challenging my assumptions.
I shared those results with about 600 women and asked them to try a few of the solutions other followers recommended. The result: hundreds of emails full of excitement and gratefulness with one message in common:
”It worked for me!”
If you are interested in the results you can find them in the book ‘How to dance more in milongas – for followers’. It’s available on any Amazon store and you can find links here (if your preferred Amazon store doesn’t appear there, please search manually).