The Tuga Tango Marathon is almost over.
I left a bit early since I just had the best tanda of my life.
A beautiful combination of the right atmosphere (soft red lights), an incredible vals tanda by the DJ Dani Benson with songs I never heard in ten years of dancing, and a great partner.
People say this is the right time to leave the milonga.
I took a moment to sit down with my hand on my heart and let everything sink in.
I asked myself:
Why do people love tango so much?
Only something that is very tightly bound to the core of the human experience can create such a strong… addiction.
I believe there are three reasons.
The first becomes obvious when you realize what most people look for in a life partner.
We all look for someone that will look at us and say:
I notice you.
I notice your life.
As human beings, we want our lives to be seen, not to go unnoticed.
When a person appears in our lives that notices us, our behavior, or our work, (s)he wins our hearts.
And this is the first reason tango can become so addictive.
Before you even started your dance, someone looked at you; someone noticed you standing or sitting.
And the moment the invitation is made, (s)he has simply told you:
I noticed you.
But people noticing us is not enough.
There is a second deep need that we all experience, and tango helps us fulfill it.
Think for a moment what makes a great tanda.
I am sure you can come up with many answers.
One answer that everyone agrees upon is:
Connection.
A great tanda helps us experience connection.
Why is that so important?
I believe that for an authentic connection to occur, there is something that needs to happen:
Your dance partner needs to understand you.
This is what we look for in all our relationships, isn’t it?
Someone who understands us.
The moment you embrace someone and feel that the communication between the two bodies is “flowing,” your mind thinks:
(S)He understands me.
The moment a more advanced leader/follower dances with you and respects your capacity, again, you think:
(S)He understands me.
What’s the last part?
I believe that the last part is the most crucial.
I will talk from the leader’s perspective.
When I dance with a woman, my first concern is to protect her trust.
She has given me her trust, and trust can be lost easily.
My second concern is to provide a beautiful and, if possible, meaningful experience.
For a while, I thought that those two concerns were separate from each other, two different entities.
Today, I came to a different conclusion.
You see, they both communicate one thing:
You matter to me.
When I think of my relationship with my wife, and ask what makes it so beautiful, it is those three exact things.
Like a perfect tanda, our actions keep telling each other the same three things:
I notice you.
I understand you.
You matter to me.
What if we could all keep those three sentences in our minds at the beginning of each tanda? Can you imagine an event like that?

Those thoughts are part of the most translated Tango book in the world: Tangofulness: Exploring connection, awareness, and meaning in tango. You can find it on Amazon worldwide.

Story posted by: Dimitris Bronowski

About the author: Social Dancer, Writer from Coimbra

Published: 30 Apr 2021 @ 18:36

Last modified: 13 Oct 2021 @ 10:59

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