A problem I see is that some organizers do not have control of the tone of their event. It is our responsibility as host/organizers to set that tone or else someone else will. I make a big effort to welcome as many people as possible, and yes I barely dance at my own milonga. I make myself available to help people meet each other by introducing people to one another. I’m sure someone out there will have a bad time because I didn’t get to them, but we all do what we can.     The other part is as an outsider, I think people expect that they will be welcomed with opened arms. Now that would be nice, but I find that most of the time, I need to make my own luck. While everyone says they watch to see how a person dances, I don’t look at the dance floor. What I do is I spend the first 15 – 20 minutes to see who the head honchos of the milonga are. That’s not always the organizer. Sometimes the social anchor is just a regular that everybody knows and loves. This can easily be identified as who everyone goes and greets. In my experience, this is typically an older man or woman. If it is an older woman, this is the person I dance with first. If it’s someone younger, I ignore her because the line to dance with her is way too long and I need to earn the milonga’s respect first. If the head honcho is a guy, I offer him tribute like sharing wine or something like that. Being in his festive company can validate me as a decent person worth taking a chance on. I understand that this advice does not apply to followers, but it’s worked for me. I am sure there is some follower who has broken the code and can share their two cents.